Games are an important part of our sexual development. I remember early games of coed tackle football on the beach that offered a little extra thrill, and I wondered why anyone would want to play football with just boys. There was my best friend in junior high telling me about the game called Nervous that he played with his girlfriend, where you start with the bottom button of their blouse and start unbuttoning them one at a time. You ask if they are nervous before each one, sort of a one-sided game of chicken. There were early games of Truth or Dare, and Spin the Bottle, both of which friends told me about but I never actually participated (I finally did get to play Truth or Dare, but it was years later at Hedonism II in Jamaica with a bunch of swingers, and things happened there that would have made my teenage mind explode- Click here to read more about it).

I've given a lot of thought to games. I wrote a history of them, and because it was for a family market I discarded many of them because they were too suggestive or frankly sexually oriented. These leftovers later inspired me to put together a collection of adult games, which became our Guide to Erotic Games CD-ROM, which includes both historical and contemporary games. I learned some interesting things about games in the process of doing my research.

Not only do games help us experiment sexually when we are young, they can also be wonderful tools for sexual experimentation when we are adults. During times of extreme sexual repression, games are sometimes the only acceptable outlet. During the Victorian era, when people were shocked by a bare piano leg, they played many parlor games. One of the favorites was Hide and Seek, but when you were found the person who found you would join you in your hiding place This lead to people pressed closely together during an era where couples did not even hold hands in public. There were many games of skill or chance, the losing of which would cost the loser a forfeit. These very often involved some kind of kissing forfeit, and the Victorians devised many ingenious ways for people to wind up kissing each other.

The structure and rules of a game give people an excuse and permission to do things they might not otherwise do. Giving oneself permission to experiment and experience new things can be difficult in our culture. While no woman wants to be raped in reality, a surprisingly large number of women do have rape fantasies. The reason has little to do with rape, and more to do with the fact that our culture surrounds sex with such a sense of guilt and shame. In these fantasies the woman is blameless since she is not in control of the situation. It is a sad commentary on our very repressive view of sexuality. A game can offer a structure and a way for people to experiment sexually and let go of some of the shame and guilt, since they are just playing by the rules.

There are a number of games available at adult stores designed to encourage couples to experiment with both their sexuality and their sensuality. You don't have to buy a game, though. You can always convert an existing game. We did this for our guide, creating new rules for Scrabble, Monopoly, and other similar games. In Monopoly, we created a whole new set of erotic Chance and Community Chest cards.

Playing games can be a great way for a couple to try new things and experiment sexually. They can also work with groups of open minded couples willing to be very adventurous. However you play it, adding a sexual aspect turns it into a game where everybody wins.